We had a rough start to the morning, including me finding Joel had decided to completely undress while I was in the shower. But he was so proud to announce that he was aware of his bodily functions. While I too share the joy that he is able to know when he is going, the fact that he was giving a shower to the living room carpet didn't please me near as much....
Fast forward through the cleaning and redressing. We made it to the doctor. He had to have 2 x-rays, one of his hips and one of his back. This time they actually gave me the x-rays to carry back to the office. What would anyone do with x-rays? Look at them! I looked and even though most of the x-rays I've seen has been limited to Grey's Anatomy (I'm ashamed to admit, I watch) and my time as a emt and er volunteer, I could tell we were going to have issues to discuss today with the doctor. The spine was curved.
The doctor suspected it at our last visits but wanted to have an x-ray taken with Joel standing instead of laying to see better, and with the x-ray in front of my face there was no denying it. Our new diagnosis to add to Spina Bifida, Arnold Chari Malformation, and Hydrocelephus is Scoliosis. There are a few other things that have been mentioned, but I refuse to add them until there is no doubt. Now we are left with no real answers as to how bad it will be or what course of action will be best. Dr. Moses ("My name is Moses, but I'm no profit") said nothing has been proven to help. Some people exercise and get better, some people brace and get better, but some people get better by doing nothing. "So," he said, "There is no way to know if it was the brace, exercise, or just the touch of God." I'm so glad to have a doctor for Joel that understands God is in control. Infact with some troubles alone the way and a couple of doctor changes, I'm happy with all of Joel's doctors.
So what do we do now? We pray. I cry myself to sleep because I wonder if I'm even worthy of having another prayer answered because He has answered so many on my behalf already. I wish I could say this is the last thing I'm going to need, so just answer this and I'll be good, but it isn't true. Life is a daily struggle and I never know what problem will present itself. Yes, Joel is doing wonderful if you look from the outside. But if you are in my life and seeing it from the inside, there is always something to deal with. I belittle the real seriousness of the issues, I guess, because I always am grateful that it isn't worse. So today when I cry with a broken heart because I don't even have words to pray and because I have been praying a prayer for God to bless me with something I want instead of thanking God for what He has blessed me with and praying for His loving touch on Joel, I remind myself God does care. He cares more than I know. He understands. He answers prayers.
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